The weather today was stunning.
“Roof down?” Mum grinned, as we got the car ready to go shopping. Possibly one of the best questions I’ve been asked this year, and I instantly responded with a yes. Feeling the wind in my hair, no coat on. It boosted my mood sky high.
Then this afternoon it fell.
Kieran spoke to me and we were going along ok. Then came the conversation of him moving in with Natalie.
I shouldn’t of felt the way I did. It wasn’t my life anymore, I was moving on, this wasn’t supposed to happen.
I got incredibly angry.
Thoughts of “How could he?” shot through my mind and I feel angry at myself for feeling bothered by it all. I tried to bite my tounge.
20 minutes later and I’m crying, he’s angry.
Luckily we’ve managed to resolve it.
I felt so distraught. I didn’t want to be angry, but there I was, getting upset and mad at myself. Then I’d upset Kieran and managed to get a “Fuck you” out of him, something which deeply upset me. I’ve never been one to want to upset people or have enemies, and I really don’t want Kieran as an enemy. I’m glad we’re ok. I know now I really need to avoid conflict like that again and take myself away from the computer and chill when that happens. That way we’ll be alright.
One of the things that made me smile though, was that as soon as I got upset I thought “Oh God, where’s Jason or Jake!?”. I love how I’ve developed dear friends to me during this. That I know there’s people I can rely on. During all the Skype calls throughout the past few months I’ve bonded with so many people, and now I have people saying “Remember we all love you” when I feel down. Corrina and I got hyped over organising a Alton Tower’s trip and my mood instantly boosted again. Having friends is incredible.
I’ll be ok, because I have fantastic people around me. Life is starting to pick up and I’ve met some new characters in my life this year that I want to stick around. This includes Kieran, but I know now that he can only ever be a friend. That I want him as just a friend, and now need to learn to chill out, keep calm, and look forward to the future with someone else.
Thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me so far, not given up on me, and given me hope. I love you all.
