Day 99

Well what do you know? It’s been 99 days since this all began, and look where I am now.

I don’t know how, but today my mood suddenly rose. Perhaps it’s because I got fed up of being so low and wanted to push myself. Perhaps it’s because I remembered there are people far less fortunate than me, and that I’m lucky. Or perhaps it’s because Chris Moyles played “Star Girl” without fail this morning.

Whatever it was, I became happier, and I believe I’m nearly back to my acceptance again.

It makes me sad to see pictures of Kieran and Natalie. Knowing that she has what I once adored. But that was once, and not anymore. I recently had day dreams of what it would be like if Kieran suddenly came running back to me. The scenario of whether or not to take him back. But I know I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t whilst Victoria existed, whilst Natalie still existed. I wouldn’t believe him if he ever said he loved me again.

He cannot come back to me, and I cannot take him back.

I don’t know when or if a man will come for me. And it scares me that someone won’t. I’m scared because I adore to love, to give affection, and to recieve love and affection. I’ve also started to forget the feeling of what it is to love, to feel wonderful and adore a person, to have that back. I sure hope someone comes along. If anything, I really do miss cuddles, kisses and hand holding.

…

Ok, I took a 5 minute break and lost my trail of thought.

My J2O tastes like Haribo. This is magic.

G’NIGHT.

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